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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Cara's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
10:55 pm
The nerves are completely shot. Yes, I survived the "surprise storm" and spent the weekend in a pretty pleasant way, even enjoying some free organic ice cream. But living out of my car and not having any clean clothes was taxing.

I couldn't concentrate at all at work today. Luckily I was doing something pretty brainless. But I have a pile of things that need to be finished and approved tomorrow, and probably before 11:30, which I think is when my boss plans on leaving. Which is a bit more than I feel like I can handle at the moment.

I feel like I am a terrible roommate lately. I know very well I'm not keeping up my half of the household responsibilities. I feel like I have so much going on in my life and I'm having a hard time managing it all. At least this weekend helped a little bit in terms of me being a better girlfriend. Though my stress-induced grumpiness probably cancelled some of that out.

I'm worried about law school. I'm worried about applications and acceptance letters, and maybe having to move, and having to leave my job, and how am I gonna make my car payments, and how am I gonna eat? I don't feel like I'm ready to go to school next fall, but Amie is, and this is another thing to worry about.

My life is still chaotic. I have few clean clothes, I need to clean my part of the fridge (the food that I let go bad during the power outage because I didn't feel like I could handle it), plus do my share of the house cleaning which I know I've been slacking on, I really need to clean my room, and get some edible groceries into the house, and take my dry cleaning in and empty out my car, and vacuum my car, and wash my car, and dye my hair, and shave my legs and get a couple links taken out of my watch, and buy some more train tokens and and and...

This is not to mention that I haven't spoken to any of my friends outside of Amie in over a week, aside from a conversation with Laurie a few days ago when she called me concerned about how I was doing during the storm.

On the plus side, my skates arrived today. They are gorgeous, and fit perfectly. This is also sort of a negative because it means I definitely can't skip practice tomorrow, despite needing the time to take care of other things.

Another derby thing, to lighten my mood. We indeed had our benefit concert on Saturday (hey! The bars downtown had power!). I went all out, miniskirt and thigh-high fishnets just to get to the bar and find the other girls in jeans and long-sleeved shirts because it was apparently "too cold". I told the other girls that I obviously didn't get the memo. We had a lot of fun anyway.

During the evening, I dared Amie to go talk to one of the Stripteasers, and to my surprise, she went and did so. Then when she was gone for more than 15 minutes, I reconsidered the wisdom of that dare. But, as it turns out, she was talking to Madina Madis about me, told her I was a derby girl, pointed me out and talked to her about me dancing with them someday. Well, Madina Madis said it would be awesome to have a derby girl as a guest dancer. When I expressed my concern about my body type, she said that they were always looking for different body types, and that they try to recruit others, but they always back out at the last moment. Later in the night, Ava LeFey (another stripteaser) came up to me and handed me their card (which I put somewhere in my drunkenness), telling me I should definitely give them a call. Maybe I will once derby hardens me up a little more. Because I have all this extra time on my hands.

Anyway, it is now an hour and a half past when I wanted to be in bed. My first night in my own bed since Wednesday. Ahhhhhh.
Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
7:27 pm
Derby Mania
People, you are awesome, thank you for your responses. Jonathan, you are not allowed to laugh at anything Amie says ever again. You're just encouraging her!

But, as many of you know, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and was not in love with any of those names, and have come up with many more. I can see now why it takes so much time for most girls to choose a name! Brooke LineAnn SinkHer was MY personal favorite, followed my Kasey Chase'm as the polls tended to indicate. I was hesitant about Lucy Flawless, however, because 1) there's already a girl with Lucy Lawless as her name, and it's a bit close 2) I don't want to go with a modern celebrity, because I want the name to stay relevant. Brooke LineAnn SinkHer is just a little too complicated and pretty hard to say. And I thought I could probably do better than Kasey Chase'm.

So, I was almost committed to Abby S. Corpses (you know, like habeas corpus). I liked the law implication, and I had a kickass bio to go with it. But it is too hard to say! And more often than not I have to explain the pun to people, which I am not pleased with.

So, then I was playing around with Nadia Dambusiness. Which I think is sassy, but it's not really tough enough.

I'm also toying around with Sunnie Dislocation. The pun is a bit of a stretch, but I am favoring it at the moment.

I think people around me are tiring of this talk. I pretty much get an obligatory eyeroll and sigh from everyone I mention it to. Someday I'll just have a name and that'll be it.

I've got my first Tuesday evening practice tonight. I am hoping really hard that my pads and helmet are in so that I can actually DO the drills tonight. I also have to get on top of making an appointment for my custom mouthguard.

I had a little aggravation at work today (what else is new), so I've got some aggression to feed off of. Not too much, though. In the long run, I don't harbor negative feelings very well.

Last night I dreamed about zombies, which is a bizarre subject matter to occupy my dreams. I think it means I should call Katherine.

Oh yeah! And I took the LSAT on Saturday! I am confident in how it went, but I won't be able to know anything until I get the score back. I don't wanna be too optimistic, you know. But now that I don't have to spend every free moment studying for it, I can actually get back to reading actual books! I'm rewarding myself with a re-reading of Stone Butch Blues.

Work is getting busy. I am very happy with this development. And my boss recognized my writing skills in front of an entire group meeting today, which was nice. And I had lunch with four of my co-workers also, and enjoyed it quite a bit.

I am living in chaos. I haven't done laundry in god knows how long. I have clothes that should've been hung up in a pile on one side of my bedroom, and clothes that should be in my laundry bag on the other side of my bedroom, and papers everywhere. And my latest thrift shop acquisitions under my desk. And toolboxes blocking my dresser drawers.

I have been baking at least weekly lately. It feels great. I read on Buffalo Rising about a new restaurant opening on Main Street in Allentown that's planning on offering many vegetarian and vegan options. I think it would be worth marketing myself as a vegan pastry chef to him. Time to dust off the ole' egg replacer.

I know not many of you are in Buffalo, but for those of you who are, you may want to consider stopping by Mohawk Place on the 14th of this month. The Queen City Roller Girls are holding a benefit concert with a special performance by the Stripteasers. If nothing else, you can party down with some smoking hot derby chicks. I'm sure it'll be a good time.
Sunday, September 24th, 2006
12:20 am
Roller Girl Names
Okay, folks. Here's where, if I had a paid account, I would do a poll. But since I don't, if you want to respond, you might actually have to comment. I would definitely appreciate feedback. ;P

I've got my first roller derby practice tomorrow morning (VERY early), and I've been preoccupied almost to a dangerous point of distraction (and certainly to the boredom of all those who have talked to me lately) with coming up with a decent roller derby name. I'm looking for something punny, even a bad pun would be okay, and it could be a play off the name of a famous woman, or a well-known phrase. It should convey some sense of toughness, or some roller derby terms (skate, jammer, dodger, blocker, bruise, smash, crash, etc.) The other issue is that it cannot be already taken or be too close to one that is already taken. No two derby girls can have the same name, in case they someday play each other. The list of names that are already taken appear here: http://members.cox.net/cat09tails/ (sorry, it takes a while to load).

Some of my favorites that are already taken include:
- Anita Mandalay
- Olivia Cryin'
- Erin Go Braless
- Carmen Slamdiego

(there are many many more great ones)

Here's where you come in. The following are names that I came up with on my own that are not taken, and aren't too similar to other taken names. Please choose your favorite, or, if you're good with puns, suggest your own!

- Brooke LineAnn SinkHer (Or: Hook LineAnn SinkHer, I wouldn't mind being called Hook)
- Lucy Flawless
- Kasey ChaseEm
- Ginger DeadMan (I especially would like to do something that starts with Ginger. However, "Ginger Snap", "Ginger Headsnapper", "Ginger Slap" and "Ginger Dodgers" are already taken, so it's slim pickings now)

I know those that read my lj are smart cookies, and will be able to help. Thanks for your input! *muah*
Sunday, August 20th, 2006
12:14 pm
After my three day experiment, I am quitting my job as kitchen help at The Chocolate Bar. Last weekend, I enjoyed myself - working with the main cook, prepping, making mini apple pies and fruit tarts under her supervision... Last night, working with only another new cook on an extremely busy Saturday night, I remembered why I left food service in the first place: I don't like getting paid peanuts to cater to some self-important man's bloated ego.

When I was hired, I was told that there would be some occasional dishwashing involved. I guess I wasn't expected to be responsible for washing all the baking dishes from the morning, all the huge containers, every single glass at the end of the night, pots and pans and bowls, for four hours, until 3am. Technically, I wasn't assigned to the dishes, Abby, the other cook was. And she was none too happy about it. Bill, the owner, came down around 3am to tell me to get out of there, as I had been there too long (10 hours without a break at this point), essentially telling me to leave Abby to clean up all by herself. I'm sure he saw it as an act of kindness and thoughtfulness for me, but I saw it as a complete lack of respect for Abby. And then he told me that I hadn't finished cleaning up the kitchen, that I had to put the bread back in the cooler before I left. Which was the last straw.

Earlier in the night, Bill, Dusty the upstairs manager and Stephanie the kitchen manager come out of a meeting in the office while I was slicing tomatoes. Bill walks by me and say "You're slicing your tomatoes too thick, they need to be half that size." And that was all. Stephanie said "yes, I was about to tell you, they need to be sandwich size" which she had said before, which didn't mean anything to me at the time either.

I brought a crepe upstairs where there weren't enough banana pieces on the top to garnish it, and Bill actually made me run it back downstairs to cut up another banana and fix it. Which wouldn't have been so bad, except that it was REALLY REALLY busy, and since when doesn't a restaurant owner care about speed of food getting to his customers?

Later, after having considerable trouble with the crepe griddle, and sending one up that was pretty crispy, Bill shouted - and I mean SHOUTED my name down the stairs, and then barreled down them to literally yell that that crepe was way overdone and unacceptable, and that he didn't even want to send it out, but it got taken out anyway. I told him the crepe machine was acting up, that it was too hot, and I had turned it down a little, and he raced over and jerked the dial back up, told me there was no way I cook a crepe on that level, that I should not touch it.

That's when I decided that I was not giving up my weekends to get treated like a dog, screamed at and criticized (ON MY THIRD DAY!) by some man for $7.50 an hour. I'm worth more than that, simple as that. I spend my whole week getting nitpicked and criticized by someone I hugely respect, for a good salary. No way am I going to put up with this bullshit. I don't need this.

And so ends my association with the Butterwood enterprise. (No wonder they have such a high turnover.) I'm sad I never got to actually try one of their infamous martinis, but hey, you win some you lose some.
Saturday, August 19th, 2006
10:15 am
I'm part of this small writer's group that gets together once a month and writes. This month, we were challenged to write pieces with an erotic tone. This was pretty easy for me, since most everything I write comes out sounding dirty. But anyway, I wrote this one, not so dirty in tone, referencing a recent trip down to Rosendale. I thought I would write it down for posterity:

Muddy Leather
for J. Novak

The day I suddenly understood punk music
It poured like a plague.
An outdoor festival, a band I could not miss,
A lead singer I was not expecting.

We did not have an umbrella.
My red cotton skirt melded with the outline of my thighs,
My hair flat and dripping from the sheer volume of falling water,
I was dancing, jumping, but my insides stood transfixed and gaping.

She was a hypnotizing burst of passion, anger,
Infused with raw dazzling energy, power.
She stomped and writhed and screamed and whispered.
Her t-shirt soaked by the way she was working the mic under the otherwise dry covered stage.

Baptized by that Hudson Valley deluge,
She made me a convert.
Thursday, July 27th, 2006
10:43 pm
So...it's been a pretty long time since I've updated. I've been thinking a lot, and writing some on old-fashioned paper, and doing a lot of living. Which is usually not something I can say, so it is indeed a positive thing. I've been reading a lot of good books as well, though some have been pretty heavy. I missed reading.

Amie is a full-fledged Buffalo resident/convert now. She is living in the hippie house in Allentown and starts a wonderful job on Monday. The hippies in the hippie house are as eclectic as can be expected from Western New York (where things are all backwards). A good half of them are not vegetarians, and one of them actually hunts. I have not once smelled weed (though I'm sure it's only a matter of time), and their presence of mind and senses of humor are far above what I would expect. Of course, I have not met all of them, but I guess I was surprised to find myself liking them. Now, you couldn't pay me to live there (I'm far too ornery), but Amie seems to like it. I think it's a good match for her. At least for now.

I have been burning bridges. Who was it that said that sometimes it's necessary to cut off the dead branches to make way for new growth? It was either Katherine, Julie or Colleen. Anyway, I may regret my actions in the future, but for the moment they feel like good choices.

I am trying (as always) to lose a little weight and to get into a shape that I feel a 22-year-old should be in. This presents a conflict for me, because I am so aware of the hysterical obsession over women's bodies that exists, and I hate to work within that. I want to be fat-positive, and indeed I find many "imperfect" bodies very attractive, but for myself, I feel like I can do better. I'm not sure why I feel this way, I never have been able to do better, but it doesn't hurt to try.

And my new prize to keep my eye on while I attempt this journey is the dream of one day joining the Stripteasers. In a way, it's a silly idea to follow. Who knows if they would accept me, or if they'll even still be performing when I'm at my favored weight? They are pretty body-positive, and if they would consider me at all, they probably would consider me at my current weight (or a tiny bit smaller) depending on the act I could present. And I of course have the fear of not being creative or witty enough to be one of them, but I feel like this has always been a talent of mine - turning people on. Okay, go ahead and laugh, but if you'd ever dated me, you probably would agree with that at least (whatever else you might think about me).

But anyway, I think it fulfills that common fantasy of being a stripper, except without all the scary dangerous stuff that comes with it in reality once you take the romanticism away. And much more attention to lingerie. And a much more desirable audience.

I would also like to bartend one day. No seriously. I mean it!

I think a lot of this is stemming from the fact that I feel like I wasted a lot of my youth essentially being 30 years old since I was 15. I feel like I gotta take advantage of the youth while I still have it, or else I'll be lost forever. I mean, I've still got time now.

Blah, I'm rambling. Amie's out of town, and this is what happens when I'm left to my own devices for too many days.

I have at least three weeks of laundry that needs to be done. So, last night, I went out and bought some new clothes so I would have something to wear until Saturday. Not a good habit to get into, I don't recommend it. Even though I do.

We shouldn't have to work on Fridays in the summer. It's not fair!
Friday, May 12th, 2006
7:52 am
Top 10 Things that are great about going to work.
A variation on what Laurie posted, in an attempt to rev myself up for one day of work.

1. I get to read on the train, and don't have to worry about driving.
2. When I get off the train, the air smells like cereal (from the General Mills plant not far away).
3. If there's a game going on, there's a lot of festivity in the air when I get out.
4. Even if there's not a game, there's lots of people out on the patios for happy hour (which one day I will partake in).
5. I can walk to about a dozen good lunch places.
6. Or I could get a hot dog from a vendor.
7. Or I could even get a piece of pizza from the newsstand guy, and not even have to leave my building.
8. There's lots of places to sit outside and eat in the sun.
9. The old school elevator in my building is like a theme park ride.
10. I don't have to look out of my window and see strip malls and huge parking lots as far as the eye can see. Granted, I look out and see old salty industrial buildings (some in disuse), but there's a certain rust belt romanticism about them.

Well, I'm not sure it worked that well, but hey, it's one more day until the weekend, I've got book club tomorrow night and then Jackie's bachelorette after, and there's gonna be a birthday cake today. Not doing so bad.
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
9:52 pm
This evening, because Tuesday is family dinner night, and because my mother had a meeting, my father and I "dined for the cure" at Creekview restaurant in the quaint Village of Williamsville. I am very happy he agreed to go, and I believe he was pleased with the experience, too.

I was given an "extra donation" envelope by none other than Dr. Amy Early. I'm not entirely sure what she does, or why she's important, but I do know she's on my mailing list, as I've entered her name into a lot of little rectangles. And the only reason I knew who she was tonight is because of her nametag.

I also received an e-mail about Brush Up Buffalo from Tracey Drury, a reporter for Business First who is also on my mailing list. Buffalo is a "big" city that feels like a small town.

But anyway, about $7 of our dinner went to AIDS Community Services, and I'm very happy. I had almost forgotten that I wanted to take advantage of this night until my mom mentioned that she had a meeting and wouldn't be home for dinner.

And I had a very nice dinner. It was my first time at the Creekview, and they have a whole patio that overlooks Ellicott Creek (hence the name), so I'm thinking I'll have to try it again in the summer when the patio's open air (they had plastic all around it today).

I averted a dinner program book crisis today at work. I turned in the "final design" of our program to the printers on Friday (which was already a day late), and today in the mail received an ad from a politician that I was not expecting to receive an ad from. So, I had to call and "stop the presses", so to speak. This wouldn't be such an issue, except that this is the third day in a row that I've called them with a crisis, and I know for a fact that I have to call them tomorrow. How does anyone do this stuff?

And I thought for about 10 seconds that I would want to do fundraising/event planning as a permanent career. I will say that I'm managing to keep my cool, aside from wanting to strangle the guy from Bank of America. It is not without reason!

I googled my name today and found that I am favorably quoted in two Pipe Dream articles, both proving that I actually did the stuff in college that I say I did on my resume. Funny coincidence in authors, though.

Looking at law schools, considering adding CUNY Law to my list, even though I don't really want to live or work in NYC, it seems that most people I know who live in NYC and love it are from there and can't imagine why anyone would ever want to leave, which, like Miranda in one SATC episode, annoys me to no end. It's just a thought. But just looking at the FAQ for applications page stresses me out, so I think I'll wait until I'm in a much more serene place spiritually.

Anyway, don't know why I'm writing tonight, I'm very very tired.

I'm reading Perks of Being a Wallflower for the first time and must say that I'm loving it. Despite the somewhat depressing content, the style really makes me smile. I've decided it's kind of like listening to The Postal Service. So, I think I'll go and do both those things simultaneously now.
Monday, April 24th, 2006
11:17 pm
The rollover comment for Dinosaur Comics on Friday was:

"meanwhile, in the present, t-rex struggles with the responsibilities inherent with the position of 'el presidente', including a 'tips n tricks' feature for the newsletter, managing the fundraising activities, and being visible in the community."

Which, as it turns out, pretty much exactly describes what my boss does, right down to struggling with writing a section of the newsletter. Woah! Alternate universe comics!
7:35 pm
So, I stopped by the WNY Pride Center after work today and chatted with the guy and filled out paperwork to become a volunteer. One of my first duties is going to be handing out safe sex packs down in Allentown Saturday night. I am UBER excited.

I say "safe sex" packs instead of condom packs because as I was there talking to the guy I said "You know what I always thought would be a really good addition to these? Latex gloves." and he said "Wow, I've never thought of that, but that is a really good idea." It goes to show that even queer safe sex is typically organized from a male-centric perspective. So, I'm hoping he remembers to score a couple boxes of those (and hopefully some dams, though the gloves can be used for those, too) so we can make some girly packs for me to hand out at the lesbian bars, where condoms have significantly fewer uses. Maybe I'll write up a little accompanying "fun uses and suggestions" guide. For all the times I've seen free condoms, I've never ever seen people giving out free gloves, it would be fantastic.

I also signed up to receive information on three other volunteer opportunities. One is a one day event called "Brush Up Buffalo" where a bunch of volunteers paint houses over on the East side for homeowners that can't afford to keep up their own houses. One is to become a volunteer tour guide at the Frank Lloyd Wright Darwin Martin house (which would be so very cool), and one is to be a court advocate for the rape crisis center. I am really looking forward to all of it.

You know, I'm trying to fill up my time like I used to, now that I don't have that pesky homework thing that I have to create time for, and might fall behind on. I figure it will ease this isolated feeling I keep having, and will make me feel better overall, to be involved and actually doing something for my community. And making friends, even if they are middle-aged.

So, as down as I was feeling earlier, I'm feeling much better now.

In other news, on my way to get lunch, a crazy homeless lady spit on me, screamed that I should stay away from her and called me a scumbag. But I didn't take it personally, because she also spit on the guy walking behind me. And who says Buffalo's not a real city?
Friday, April 14th, 2006
8:25 pm
Scanning through the online gift registries for a wedding I'm attending at the end of next month (Jackie's wedding, in case you're curious), a thought hit me. Do people pick out china and silver patterns anymore? That was totally my idea of "registering" when I was younger - going to the fancy section of some department store and picking out a favorite china pattern. It never occurred to me what else was really involved. From situations in sitcoms, I had a vague idea of unwanted double toasters, but I never considered that someday someone might buy me a toaster for my wedding. Or two people might buy me toasters. Toaster is a funny word if you think about it long enough, isn't it?

Anyway...

If you think about it, toasters (even plural) are infinitely more practical than fancy china and silver, service for 12. My mom has a service for 10, I think, and it gets used maybe once a year, but she sure is proud of it. I remember her talking about wanting to complete the set and get two more place settings, but that her pattern had been discontinued long ago. We only have ever had a maximum of 9 people for dinner, so why she would need those extra two place settings is beyond me. My mom is not very well known for her practicality.

For my part, I think it would be a lot of fun registering, very indulgent. I've thought about putting together a fake registry, for the hell of it, just to daydream. But I do that on a semi-daily basis, anyway. I've been told by one person that I spend more time in retail stores than anyone else he knows, just walking through the aisles looking at stuff, and a lot of times I don't even end up buying anything.

But, at the rate that I collect appliances, I feel like by the time I have to register (if that time ever comes) I'll already have everything that will be able to fit in a kitchen. I also collect other things that would normally go on a wedding registry at similar rates - furniture, linens, towels, tools, etc. So, what will I do when it comes time to make a list?

I really like the idea Dave had of picking out a house and asking for donations toward the payments of it. Now that's thinking practically.

And then there's always the philanthropic route of asking people to make donations to a charity in your honor. My organization has received several donations in the honor of people's weddings. But that seems like something reserved for rich people who have too much money.

Maybe one day I'll be picking out china patterns after all.
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
7:47 pm
Dear T-Rex,

It doesn't work. I've tried.

Love,

Me
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
6:08 pm
I am so disappointed. The Vagina Monologues is going on downtown tonight, and I can't find anyone to go with me. I've gone every year since 2001, it's a tradition, and now no one is interested.

I thought I was going to be able to avoid this problem by moving back here to Buffalo where I knew so many people, but I know that if I was in Binghamton or even New Paltz, there would be someone that would want to go. Or, at least in New Paltz, if I went alone, I would undoubtedly know someone else there, if only by acquaintance.

So, now I'm all upset, and I'm tempted to shut myself in my bedroom with a book and mope the rest of the night. Because I'm still a child when I get disappointed. Or, I might put on my V-Day shirt from Eve Ensler herself, and get my ass downtown to sit in the audience all by my lonesome. For sake of tradition.

Either way I'll be pretty miserable.

Eh, I'll decide after dinner.
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
12:48 am
Many exciting things happening in my life.

First, you are reading the lj entry of the new personal executive assistant to the CEO of Everywoman Opportunity Center Inc.!!! It is a job that I believe I was born to do, and I'm just praying to everything holy that I don't somehow screw it up before I get a chance to impress everyone. Anyway, the good things about it are the regular hours, the very decent pay, and the work that requires some sort of creative thought to do. However, I am slightly worried that it's another one of those jobs that seems like a real dream job and then turns out to be a nightmare, which tends to happen so VERY often with me. Oh well, guess I can just cross my fingers and hope for the best.

And, whatever happens, it may just have been worth it for the fact that I got to give my supervisor my two week's notice right after being chided for something completely stupid and having to suppress my disbelief and anger that I'm still getting yelled at even though I'm working by myself in an impossibly understaffed clinic with zero guidance and having had minimal training. I blame my run-on sentences on my rage.

Second good thing, Julie and I have given in our security deposit for a shiny new 2-bedroom apartment!!! Well, it's not really new, but it's new to us, and it's ridiculously clean! It's awful nice to move in to a clean apartment for once. I am very very excited, because I also plan on obtaining some new furniture for my new apartment. Namely, a bed, a dresser and a desk. Of course, I'm gonna try not to buy anything until I can see what can be salvaged from the side of the road (not the bed, though, that'll be as close to new as I can afford). Also, one day, a rolling kitchen/chef's cart with a butcher's block and/or stainless steel top will be mine. It is my new mission in life.

And, in the works soon, I will be looking for a new car, as mine has taken to not starting if the engine is too warm (yeah, try to figure that one out), and I would like to replace it before it dies and strands me somewhere dangerous. Plus I don't feel safe taking it on the long road trips to which I've become accustomed. However, this car shopping thing is a less scary proposition when there is money to sort of afford it coming up on the horizon.

And, I'm also in a good mood because I got to spend my weekend with a certain special lady with huge pretty eyes and funny looking hair. The down part is, of course, that I'm missing her already. But I'll see her again soon, I'm sure.

So yes, February is turning out to be a much better month than January was overall.
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
10:56 pm
Because I have things to do tonight, and because I have to get up early, I'm of course gonna do this.
1. My uncle once: took a full tray of baby lambchops out of a catering waiters hand and brought it over to his brothers for them to split. That's my uncle by marriage, of course. And oh man, there are many MANY more stories about each uncle.
2. Never in my life: have I broken a bone bigger than my little toe.
3. When I was three: I was teaching myself to read.
4. High School was: actually, a surprisingly good time in my life.
6. I once met: Jon Stewart!!! <3<3<3<3
7. There's this girl I know who: wears her hair in a faux-hawk and makes me tingle all over.
8. Once, at a bar: a creepy old guy told me I looked like Eve Ensler.
9. By noon I'm usually: at work, hating my life. No, not really. The hating my life part doesn't usually happen until patients start arriving.
10. Last night: I baked cookies
11. My favorite body part on me is/are: my hair. But I'm starting to really dig my shoulders.
12. Next time I go to church: will probably be for a wedding.
13. Terri Schiavo: tends to remind me of New Paltz.

15. When I turn my head left i see: the hallway upstairs and the top of the staircase.
16. When I turn my head right: my unmade bed, my nighttable with lots of clutter, more clutter on my desk, and more clutter on my floor.

19. If I were a character written by Shakespeare: I'd watch my back.
20. By this time next year: maybe I'll be planning a move to somewhere with a good law school that wants to admit me.
21. A better name for me would be: Caroline. I know it's close, but I like it slightly better.
22. I have a hard time understanding: nearly everything that the upper management of Planned Parenthood does.
23. If I ever go back to school I'll: get my law degree and feel like I can start a career.
24. You know I like you if: I make fun of you to your face. Or hit on you.
25. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my mom. Cause it would be all thanks to her, probably.

27. Take my advice: learn how to take things in stride. Quit smoking and try excersizing. Drink more water. Get a library card and use it. Don't take your friends and loved ones for granted. As hard as it may be, try to follow your own advice.
28. My ideal breakfast is: cold pizza. Preferably plastic pizza. Or leftover garlic bread. But it's been a long while since I've had that.
29. A song I love, but do not have is: Say it Ain't So by Weezer.
30. If you visit my hometown: you'd better bundle up. We'll go to Amy's Place and Clarence Center Cafe, and we will get some damn good chocolate. If it's warm, we'll check out the Rose Garden and the Mirror Lake at Delaware Park. You'd better be prepared to learn more about Buffalo then you ever thought there was to know.
31. Random fact: it bugs me that I'm not allowed to take handwritten notes while on the phone at work.
32. Why won't anyone: hire me!!!!
33. If you spend the night at my house: my mom would cook you a really awesome dinner, and you would watch a LOT of Law and Order. Haha, until I move out, it would be a lame night at the old folk's home.
34. I'd stop my wedding if: and only if the real true love of my life banged on the back door/window a la The Graduate and whisked me away on a bus.
35. The world could do without: chocolate fountains.
36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: change adult diapers for a living.

38. Paper clips are more useful than: staples for grouping together papers that you want to be able to separate? This is a weird question.
39. If I do anything well, it's: getting out of traffic tickets.
40. And by the way: could people just CHILL OUT, just a little bit?
41. The last time I was drunk: was Saturday night. I guess I got a little overexcited about not being the DD.
42. If I were you: I'd be putting together that package for Laurie and Jim. You know, their Christmas present?
43. The best decade to live in is: Well, I have only lived in three, and don't at all remember the one, so I feel like it's hard to say.
44. The last two digits of my phone number are: 46, or 44.
45. My graduating class is: 2001, or 2005.
46. The best kind of parties are: the ones where someone brought a guitar and everyone else knows the words.
47. Ten years ago: I was doing something that I have now completely blocked out.
48. The hottest person in the world is: the kind of person that sees the hotness in everyone. ;P No, seriously, I feel like I can't quantify it in that way.

49. Gay people: should not be essentialized. So there.
50. This survey: was answered much more cleverly by my dear Jonathan.

So, just for a side note. I got my oil changed today, and the guy locked my keys in my car. And THEN asked me if I had Triple A. I was like "Dude. You locked my keys in my car, and there's this whole garage full of tools behind you. YOU figure it out." So, I stood there laughing my ass off while fours guys got into my car using various pieces of metal and a wire coat hanger. Luckily, my car is pretty easy to break into, and one of the guys was from the Bronx. (No offense, Shell! He said it himself!)

I've got this awesome weekend ahead, so I'd better get my ass a-moving.
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
12:17 am
In other news, I wish I had a printer hooked up to my computer in my bedroom. On the other hand, ink cartridges are an expense that I can't afford anyway. Oh well.
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
12:13 am
My 4th consecutive load of laundry is in the washing machine. There is at least one more load to go, most likely two. And then nearly every item of clothing I own will be clean.

I hate doing laundry. Or, more accurately, I hate the idea of doing laundry. Once it's done, there's a sense of completeness and productiveness that it is rare to achieve more quickly and easily. I used to whine about having to drag my 60 lb laundry back out to my car, and then into the laundromat, but then, I guess I forgot about the two flights of stairs down to my mom's basement and then up again. At least at the laundromat, everything is done in one fell swoop. But, it does take a toll on my quarter supply. (haha, get it? I said it takes a "toll", and now I spend all my quarters on tolls for the Grand Island bridge instead of at the laundromat. I crack myself up.)

Work was less tear-worthy today. Last Wednesday, I was thisclose to having a nervous breakdown behind that formica wraparound desk. This week, we only had seven patients scheduled, two of which didn't show up. Of course, we had that many again in walk-ins, so it wasn't all easy peasy. I don't mind the front desk that much. Really, I don't. But I really cannot stand working it by myself. Tonight was not that bad, because, like I said, it was a rare situation with an open schedule, but when we're booked, it's more than enough work to fully occupy a fully staffed clinic with two desk people, and an extra hand from the second counselor now and then. I let it slip to the nurse as we were closing out tonight that I was pretty unsatisfied with the current situation. It was a bit more roundabout, though. I said to her that "it's gonna be difficult for them to retain staff in these conditions, that's for sure" and that's when she asked if I was already looking around for something else. I tried to make it clear to her that it wasn't the job I disliked, more the low salary and insufficient hours, and she seemed to understand...like everyone seems to. Anyway, I've thought about sending out some resumes, but I do want to give them a little more time to clean up their act. If they can get us Niagara County employees under the Buffalo payscale within a month, I'll stay. If it doesn't happen by then...well...I just honestly can't afford to stay with them.

It's a pretty bad sign when someone who has been employed with an organization for exactly one month is already circling want ads in red pen.

My interim supervisor is on much needed vacation time this week, I believe, so I will at least wait until that's over before I make any big decisions. She's a really nice lady, and for the time being, I can be a little more patient with them. I don't have expenses that are going unpaid at the moment, so I can afford a little inconvenience, just for the next week or so.

The thing that's bugging me more than the money (or lack of), though, are the hours. I have these weird five hour shifts in the late afternoons, early evenings, and then I have ungodly early shifts on Fridays and Saturdays. It's really impossible for me to have a life in these conditions. Not to mention the fact that it's looking more and more like my permanent days off will be Sundays and Thursdays, which is exactly what I've told them over and OVER again that I could not live with. I mean, I don't think I'm being arrogant here, but I have a college degree. I think, taking into account that I'm a full-time employee, that I deserve to consistently have two days off in a row at LEAST. And I don't think Monday - Friday first shift with an occasional Saturday or evening is too much to ask either. It's not like I'm doing something that I believe so deeply in that I'm willing to sacrifice this stuff for, either. Sure, I'm working for an organization that I strongly support, whose cause I believe deeply in, but I'm just answering phones and filling out paperwork, nothing really life changing. Plus, it's pretty unfulfilling when 85% of the patients you talk to feel the need to give you intense attitude, as though it's your fault they're pregnant/have 5 different STDs/don't have insurance/don't have a job/can't afford to pay today, even though they've got two cell phones that they insist on alternating between when you're trying to talk to them about THEIR problems. So, those factors may also lead to a career change in the near future.

On the other hand, it just wouldn't feel like a real job if I didn't have my usual list of complaints about some aspect or another.

Okay, I've got a lot to do before work tomorrow, so bedtime it is for me.
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
9:04 pm
My New Year's resolution is to actually talk to people. I'm notoriously bad at returning phone calls or making contact with people, even when I'm thinking about them. I think part of it is that I always assume they're too busy to talk to me, but I need to get over that and just pick the goddamn phone up once in a while.

I went to a funeral-type thing tonight. The man who was the closest thing I have known to a grandfather passed away Saturday. I wasn't even related to him, but I had known him for over 10 years, and he was such a good and loving man. I hadn't really mourned this whole time because I had Amie here distracting me, and I didn't even let myself think about it, but as soon as I walked into that room tonight, I broke down. So, I gave my condolences, if you could call them that, to his two daughters, my mom's best friends, and had to leave. I didn't want to make a scene, no one else was crying. I guess everyone else had come to terms with it. But, like I said, I hadn't been even thinking about it.

I'm surprised I'm as sad as I am. He was 95, and up until a few years ago, he even walked to the store to do his own grocery shopping. And even after he stopped doing that, he was still very healthy, he cooked dinner for himself and his daughter up until a week before he died. And even while laid up in bed, he told his daughter he had to get out of bed to take the chicken breasts out of the oven. He was born in Italy, and went back to his hometown once a year to visit relatives. He was an amazing artist, sending out hand-drawn Christmas cards every year and doing all the calligraphy for his grandson's weddings. He was an remarkable man, and lived a remarkable life, and was ready to die when he did. But he's still going to be missed.

That's all for tonight.
Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
3:16 am
I'm so excited that the days are finally getting longer! But, on the other hand, I seem to be getting less sleep. Hmm.
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
1:02 am
Stayed up far too late watching Ocean's 12 with the whole family. Earlier, I kicked my brother's ass in Scrabble. And I mean, 60 points kicked his ass. It's not really his fault though, it's obvious he's not too familiar with the game rules. He put the word "rekal" on the board, and Sarah and I jumped to challenge it. He said "No, not "rekal"..."laker," at which point, we had to inform him that backwards words do not count, and gave him another turn, which he technically didn't deserve. ;P

And, although everyone always complains about the overwhelming materialism of Christmas, my new 11-cup Cuisinart is too breathtakingly beautiful for words. ;)
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